Beer Troubleshooting
SYMPTOM:
FAULT:
ACTION:		 Feet cold and wet.
Glass being held at incorrect angle.
Rotate glass so that open end points towards ceiling.

 
SYMPTOM:
FAULT:
ACTION:		 Feet warm and wet.
Improper bladder control.
Stand next to nearest dog, complain about house training.

 
SYMPTOM:
FAULT:
ACTION:		 Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.
You have fallen over backward.
Have yourself chained to the bar.

 
SYMPTOM:
FAULT:
ACTION:		 Mouth contains cigarette butts.
You have fallen forward
See above.

 
SYMPTOM:
FAULT:
ACTION:		 Beer unusually pale and tasteless.
Glass empty.
Get someone to buy you another beer.

 
SYMPTOM:
FAULT:
ACTION:		 Floor moving.
You are being carried out.
Find out if you are being taken to another bar.

 
SYMPTOM:
FAULT:
ACTION:		 Floor blurred.
You are looking through bottom of empty glass.
Get someone to buy you another beer.

 
SYMPTOM:
FAULT:
ACTION:		 Room seems unusually dark.
Bar has closed.
Confirm home adress with bartender, take taxi home.

 
SYMPTOM:
FAULT:
ACTION:		 Truck suddenly takes on colorful aspect and textures.
Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations.
Cover mouth.

 
SYMPTOM:
FAULT:
ACTION:		 Everyone looks up to you and smiles.
You are dancing on the table.
Fall on somebody cushy-looking.

 
SYMPTOM:
FAULT:
ACTION:		 Beer is crystal clear.
It`s water. Somebody is trying to sober you up.
Punch him.

 
SYMPTOM:
FAULT:
ACTION:		 Hand hurts, nose hurts, mind unusually clear.
You have been in a fight.
Apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was them.

 
SYMPTOM:
FAULT:
ACTION:		 Don`t recognize anyone, or the room you are in.
You wandered into the wrong party.
See if they have free beer.

 
SYMPTOM:
FAULT:
ACTION:		 Your singing sound distorted.
The beer is too weak.
Have more beer until your voice improves.

 
SYMPTOM:
FAULT:
ACTION:		 Don`t remember the words to the song.
Beer is just right.
Play air guitar.

 
SYMPTOM:
FAULT:

ACTION:		 Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.
Mouth not open, or glass applied to the wrong part of face.
Retire to rest room, practice in mirror.